He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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