Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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