There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
