it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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