If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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