There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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