Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So vagazzling was a success
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
