I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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