he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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