Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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