Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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