how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
