Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
