Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
