she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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