Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
