i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
