Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
