We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
