Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
