would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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