Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I faked an abortion last night.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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