I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
