i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
