wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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