A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
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