in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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