I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
