I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
