my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
