the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
