think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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