Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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