she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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