those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
