white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am available for nakedness
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
