maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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