if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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