what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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