dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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