I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
