I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
