i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
