I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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