I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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