he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
