he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
