Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
