he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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