Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
