So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
