Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
