your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
