Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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