wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
