Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
