i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
