I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
