He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
