Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
