is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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