I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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