People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
