Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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