Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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