she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
